For negative/hurtful (“rotten”) behavior to be considered bullying, it must have three elements:

1. It must be intended to cause harm
2. It must be repetitive
3. A power imbalance exists between the bully and the target

Bully behaviors and negative/hurtful “rotten” behaviors can include the use of: bodies (physical), mouth/words (verbal), electronics (cyber), and relationships (social) to harm others.

 

What to do about Bullying-Negative/Hurtful Behaviors

• Tell, Tell, Tell, Tell, Tell a trusted adult
• Rescue a potential target (take him/her away to play; change the subject/activity; be direct; help target to tell or get help; warn to tell)
• Avoid known potentially negative/hurtful situations
• Don’t join in gossip, rumors, or negative “mean” talk (refuse to laugh/encourage; change the subject/activity; be direct; make a tolerance statement, leave the area, etc.)
• Use a short term escape plan (humor – confuse or trick; make an excuse; blow off; “fake it”; etc.)
• Ask person to stop (use I statements); warn to tell
• Tell, Tell, Tell, Tell, Tell a trusted adult

 

 

If a student discloses bullying during a lesson, remain calm. Do not panic or express shock. Acknowledge the student’s disclosure and continue the lesson. For example, say: "That sounds like it was upsetting. Let’s talk more about it later" or "I’d like to talk with you more about that later".

As soon as possible after the lesson, meet and speak privately with the student. Use the Four-A Response Process and Coaching Process as appropriate.

The Four-A Response Process

Use the following process when a students reports bullying:
1. Affirm the student’s feelings.
· You were right to talk to an adult.
· I’m glad you asked for help with this.
2. Ask questions.
· Tell me more about what happened
· Use our bully definition to sort it out (happened before?)
· Did anyone else see/hear what happened? (witnesses)
3. Assess the student’s safety.
· Determine what the student needs in order to be safe now.
4. Act.
· Problem solve with student to prevent future issues
· Tell student what will happen next
· Provide consequences for regular rule violations/ behavior problems (just as you always have)
· Refer to Counselor or Principal if its determined bullying did happen

 

Coaching the Student Who Bullied

Students commonly experiment with bullying and domineering behaviors. Teach students positive behaviors by coaching them through alternative actions. Particularly with initial bullying, withhold judgments of blame and focus instead of helping students adopt positive behaviors that avoid even the appearance of bullying. Students are more likely to change problem behaviors if adults help them select positive alternative behaviors and provide consistent feedback about their progress. Consequences for bully behaviors will reflect variables such as recidivism and severity.

Step 1: Identify the problem and diffuse reporting responsibility
· I have been hearing that…..many students reported…
Step 2: Ask questions and gather information
· I’d like to hear from you about what happened.
Step 3: Apply Consequences
· Discuss the school bullying policy
· Enforce the agreed-on discipline
Step 4: Generate solutions for the future
· Create a plan with the student- what are some ways to prevent this from happening again
Step 5: Follow Up
· Follow up weekly for 4 weeks; then bi-weekly (1 month); then at 1 month
· See how the plan is working; tweak if needed
· Contact family members / update teacher(s) as appropriate
· Refer student for further discipline as appropriate

 

For many reasons, students rarely report the bullying they experience to adults. Students may be afraid of retaliation, they may think the bullying is their fault, they may feel ashamed, or they may believe that adults are unable or unlikely to stop the harassment. This five-step process helps combat students’ feelings of helplessness and reluctance to report.

Step 1: Affirm the student’s feelings.
· You were right to talk to an adult.
Step 2: Ask questions.
· Get information about the current situation and the history of the situation.
Step 3: Identify what has and has not worked in the past.
Step 4: Generate solutions for the future.
· Discuss how the student can avoid the person who has bullied him/her (sit closer to bus driver, stay with friends, move desk)
· Create a plan with the students.
· Coach the student in using assertiveness skills (if relevant to situation- remind that aggression is never an appropriate solution)
· Identify others (parents, teachers, friends) who can support the student
Step 5: Follow Up
· Follow up weekly for 4 weeks; then bi-weekly (1 month); then at 1 month
· See how the plan is working; tweak if needed
· Contact family members as appropriate
· Inform/update teacher

Adapted from http://cfc.secondstep.org on line resources